


Wheeling and Dealing (has been Remixed)

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cap-Ironman Bingo, Cars, First Meetings, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Humor, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve just needs a cheap car, Tony is trying to sell him on something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wheeling and Dealing (has been Remixed)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

Everyone had warned him about used cars, and used car salesmen, but Steve didn't have a choice. His company had moved headquarters from New York City to this burg and in this economy, he couldn't afford to give up his job. He figured it wouldn't be so bad, living would be cheaper and it wasn't as if he had a social life to lose. Then he discovered that public transit was a local joke.

They had a one line monorail that started out nowhere he needed to go, and ended up nowhere he'd want to be. And the busses! Half the time they didn't show up at all because they were broken down. He'd heard they put the repair/replacement funding into paying for the shiny, useless monorail. After the third time he was two hours late to work, they told him either he got his own car, or he was fired.

So he was pretty disgusted and disgruntled (and his feet hurt) by the time he walked to the fourth used car place, and looked around the lot. He didn't know much about cars. He'd taken driver's ed and actually got a license, but you couldn't find a parking spot for love or money in the city, so he'd never _really_ driven.

And the salesmen were ignoring him, which was even more infuriating. He went around kicking tires, because you were supposed to do that, but he was blessed what that was supposed to tell. There was also something about a horseshoe magnet, and a Lincoln penny, so he'd brought both, but had no idea what to do with them. He was standing in front of a small blue car, holding the magnet and penny and trying to figure things out, when a salesman finally noticed him.

"Hi, there! Welcome to Stark's Gently Used Autos!"

Steve looked up. The man had obnoxious glossy black hair, spiked on top and pruned into a silly goatee, and he was wearing a shiny purple suit with matching purple sunglasses. He looked like a cartoon of a used car salesman and his wide, quirky grin added to it. His teeth were so white, they must be bleached. Or maybe dentures.

"I just so happen to have the perfect car for you, right now!" the man said, exclamation points practically visible.

"Where's your cigar?" Steve asked, fed up. "And aren't you supposed to wear plaid?"

The man jerked back, and then laughed. He whipped off his sunglasses, and wow. He had pretty eyes. For a used car salesman. "Gave up smoking, it made the cars stink." He winked. "And how do you know I'm not wearing plaid?"

Despite himself, Steve laughed. "Look. I really can't afford much. I just want a car to get me back and forth to work, without having to spend money on fixing it up. I sure can't do it myself, if it needs anything done." He knew he was scrawny, Lord knew he'd had it pointed out to him many times.

The man nodded. "Here at Stark's we pride ourselves in never selling a lemon. If it breaks within a month, we buy it back for what you paid, no questions asked." He wrinkled his nose, which Steve found unfortunately very cute. "We're working to fix the bad reputation the previous management earned." Now that he looked closer, he could see the signs had the 'r' and 'k' painted in a slightly different shade of red, and he could make out the dim outlines of 'n' and 'e' beneath in the texture of the paint. As a graphics artist, he noticed such things.

"What happens after a month?"

"You think we have time-release auto-destruct? No, no, fair enough, you plan on light use, so maybe a defect wouldn't show up right away." He bounced on his shoes, which Steve noticed were red and white high-tops. "I really want your business, so for you, I'll make it six months. Money back, or choose any other vehicle of the same price and we'll exchange it."

"That... that sounds ok." Steve was sure there was a catch. "This will be in writing, right? I mean, I won't come back in a month or two and you'll be gone, and no one will believe you promised me that?"

The man's grin widened. "Let me give you my card." He held it out, then pulled it back, saying, "wait a moment. My private number." He wrote on the card. In purple ink, of course. 

Steve took it. " 'Anthony Edward Stark', oh. You're the owner?"

"Yeppp!" He bounced again on his toes. "So, you know, I'm not going anywhere." He kept looking at Steve. He had really large, dark pupils, which Steve was fairly sure meant something. Either... what was it... poisoned, or drunk, or excited... sexually excited. Steve sniffed. He didn't smell booze.

"Ok, swell, so..." Steve was distracted by the thought that this very pretty man might actually be interested in him, but he pulled himself back to reality. The guy probably did a sexy come on with anyone he thought would respond to it. Steve was a little angry thinking that he looked so desperate a stranger could tell at a glance. "Look, just sell me a reliable cheap car. Don't care how many little old ladies only drove it to church on Sundays. Leave out the spiel, ok?"

Stark blinked, and then put his sunglasses back on. "Yes, sir. Come this way." He started walking towards the main building. "Oh, and you can put away the magnet. Checking for body filler to find if a car's been in an accident isn't reliable these days. Too much aluminum, plastic and other non-ferrous materials are being used. The penny still works for checking the tread wear on a tire, but honestly, that's not going to tell you anything about the machine."

Steve was a little sorry he'd snapped. He'd been enjoying the flirting, even if it wasn't real. "Sorry, Mr. Stark. This is the fourth place I've tried today. I'm a little..."

"Suspicious? Paranoid?" Stark turned back to him, grinning again. Apparently he had a mercurial temperament, not like Steve's slow steady burn. "Good survival trait in the car jungle. There are predators everywhere waiting to eat you up. Call me Tony." He took off the sunglasses and gave Steve a definite hungry once over.

What the hell. Good for his ego, if nothing else. Steve smiled. "Steve Rogers. Call me Steve."

"Steve." Tony patted a bright orange two seater sports car, gleaming in freshly polished glory. Steve saw a robot- an actual robot- waving a polishing rag above the bumper. "How about I show you what this baby can do?"

"Pretty sure that's not in my price range." Steve didn't think he could even afford the hub caps.

Tony sighed. "Fine, fine." He took Steve's arm, and Steve was too startled to object. Anyway, he was gentle about it and... it felt nice. "All right, this mid-size sedan was previously owned by a rum runner who only took it out on full moon nights..."

Steve laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the Cars/Motorcycles square on my Bingo card.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bad Sales (Wheel and Deal Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6013480) by [Neverever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever)




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